The imagination is so delicate that sometimes even words wound it

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Problems come with Solutions

1. Tunnel Vision : The tendency to focus only on the immediate crisis or sore spot . Under stress, things look worse or more complex than they really are.

The solution
Perspective : Ask if it will matter in 6 months . Ask what else is going on? How did I create this situation and, in an ideal world, what would I like to do about it?

2. Fear : The anxiety or terror that things will go badly, that we will fail or be embarrassed.

The solution
Humor and Curiosity : Modern life has very few saber-tooth tigers . The situation is rarely life or death . Ask, What's the worst that can happen? What's the best? What can I learn? What would I do if I had no fear?

3. Confusion : The sense of being lost or unclear about our direction . The sense that we don't know our own priorities anymore.

The solution
Responsible Choices : Choose your values and priorities and set your own path . Your life is yours . Check your moral compass, pick a direction and do something extraordinary!

4. Guilt : The belief that we have hurt or failed or sinned and deserve punishment . Guilt is either accurate, because sometimes we do behave badly, or it is false and simply an illusion.

The solution
If we have transgressed, we must make restitution, ask forgiveness, learn from our error and move on . If it is false guilt, set it down as an unnecessary and irrational burden.

5. Shame : The belief that we are worth-less than others, that we have a terrible, incurable flaw . It is not that we have done something wrong (guilt), but that we are bad or wrong.

The solution
Clear, rational thinking : Everyone has behaved badly, but no one was created badly! Any flaws only serve to make you stronger, more heroic or more compassionate toward others.

6. Loneliness : The belief that no one loves us, that no one cares and we must desperately cling to anyone who finds us attractive or acceptable . This creates dependency, not intimacy.

The solution
Accurate Self-Assessment : Not everyone will love you, but many people will if they meet you, get to know you, and spend time working/playing along side you.

7. Resentment : Holding anger and refusing to move beyond real or imagined mistreatment in the past . Some people spend their whole lives as "victims", nurturing a terrible event in their past.

The solution
Let go! Life is not fair and people do not always behave well or kindly . Use your trauma to make you wise, kind, gentle, and strong . Holding anger will not work.

8. Self-Doubt : The repeated, endless questioning of your own abilities, opinions or actions . The inability to take a stand, to act boldly, or to follow-through.

The solution
Action! Think clearly, then take action and follow-through : Start small, but do it! You are the world's expert on your life! Use your wisdom to live well.

9. Stubbornness : The refusal or inability to re-assess a situation, change your mind, or admit you were wrong.

The solution
Wisdom and Humility : Only a fool stays on a course that is headed for disaster! Search for new and better information, remain flexible, open and creative . When the situation changes, adjust accordingly and set a new course.

10. Addiction : Humans become addicted to drugs, but we also become addicted to our jobs, our opinions or our lifestyle . We can be addicted to people and need them rather than love them.

The solution
Take a vacation! Periodically, walk in someone else's shoes . Break your habits, re-arrange your schedule, delegate those things that only you can do "right" . Use habits and traditions to set you free, don't let habits enslave you

4 inspired and motivated:

Haris Gulzar said...

As always, problems from daily life and solutions accompanying... Nice share (Y)

Anonymous said...

If only...sigh...sometimes I can't see possible solutions so I decide not to move until I have some sort of ideas about what to do...I guess this time I made a decision...I moved my u know who it is :) I will keep reading u.

Kaya said...

I am sooo loving this blog!

I stumbled across your blog and am so glad I found it :)

Would love to know more about yourself though, if you have the time, please do share :)

Take Care,

Jack said...

A D,

Very positive approach to all what one feels. Practical and sane. Keep sharing.

Take care

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